i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
