Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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