Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
