Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
