I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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