I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
