this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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