yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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