I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
