Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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