in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
