True but thats because hes a fetus.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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