Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
