im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
