So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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