She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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