remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
