John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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