The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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