I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
