i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
