Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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