When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You pole danced in your parka.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
