I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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