I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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