I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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