Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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