is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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