He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
