fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
