Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
