Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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