Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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