yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
