I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
