just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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