did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
