a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
