I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
