CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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