Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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