ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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