Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I did not marry a roomba.
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