Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
