God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The power of my boobs compel you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
