did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
