Cold hands, warm shart.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I supernannyed him into submission
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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