Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
