did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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