Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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