My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
