they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
