Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
