Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
