i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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