You work out of a Hotel?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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