its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
