Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
