she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
