I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
only you would photoshop your dick
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
