you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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