so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
this hospital has no fireball
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
