She said her name was "party"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
